Friday, July 27, 2007

happy fall friday

not really into this this week guys. having a bad day. ;_;

Thursday, July 26, 2007


this is for brit brit. she knows what she did ;_;

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


i have a new favorite contact on flickrs

lol i am not the chinese businesss exceutive

i'd like to go to india. live in a big white house in the forest, drink gin and tonic and play a grand piano...

it appears we have some referrals of keyeword searches from ppl looking for informations on MANDARAVA THE GURU-DIETY! india is pretty close to china so here is china series part 3, MANDARAVA THE GURU-DIETY.

Mandarava is one of the two principal spiritual consorts of Padmasambhava and is considered a female guru-deity. Mandarava, born a princess in India, renounced her royal birthright, to practice the Dharma, and became a fully realised spiritual adept and great teacher.

Mandarava (Tib. man da ra ba), whose full name is Mandarava Flower (Tib. man da ra ba me tog) referring to Erythrina Indica, the coral tree, one of the five fabled trees that grow in paradise (or Sukhavati), was a princess of Zahor (or Mandi) in the 8th Century CE. Mandarava was also known as the White Princess (Tib. lha lcam dkar mo) though the blooms of the coral tree are a brilliant scarlet. Mandarava is also the name of one of the Gandharvis, therefore, the name may also be considered that of an Indian devi.

Mandarava was born of Vihardhara, King of Zahor and Queen Mohauki. Her birth was said to be accompanied by miraculous signs and her renunciation and spiritual inclination was marked from a young age. Due to her fabled beauty, many kings from India and China were said to number amongst her marriage suitors. Mandarava wishing to pursue her spiritual calling endeavoured to release herself from regal trappings wherein she was intercepted by her father and incarcerated. There is a venerated petrosomatoglyph of Mandarava’s footprints located near the dungeon where she was restrained.

Mandarava and Padmasambhava were energetically drawn to one another. Vihardhara, fearful of the contamination of the royal bloodline and what he perceived as Mandarava’s apostasy, endeavoured to have Mandarava and Padmasambhava purified by immolation through the flames of a pyre. Instead of finding their corpses incensed and charred, Vihardhara finds that the fire of the pyre has been transformed into a lake out of which arises a blooming lotus that supports the unharmed Mandarava and Padmasambhava who through this manifestation of their realisation have achieved their secret names of Vajravarahi and Hayagriva, respectively. Afterwhich, Vihardhara furnishes the union with his unreserved blessings.

Mandarava realises her calling to spread the Dharma with Padmasambhava, thereby fulfilling the prediction of her birth that she was a dakini. At 16 years of age, Mandarava became the first of Padmasambhava’s five historical spiritual and sexual consorts in Maratika (known as Haleshi in the local dialect), the Cave of Bringing Death to an End. (Maratika Cave, and later Maratika Monastery, is located in Khotang District of Nepal, circa 185 kilometres south west of Mount Everest.) Both Mandarava and Padmasambhava achieved the unified vajra body on the vidyadhara level of mastery and realised some of the practices of long life or longevity that were concealed in the Maratika Cave as terma by Dakini Sangwa, the terma constituted the teachings of Buddha Amitabha and they were elementally encoded as terma at the behest of Bodhisattva Avalokiteśvara. Whilst Padmasambhava continued spreading teachings throughout the Himalaya, Mandarava remained in India.

Mandarava is said to have manifested her sambhogakaya form at the great Dharma Wheel of Tramdruk where she engaged in a dialogue of mantra and mudra with Padmasambhava. Extensive details of this are rendered in the Padma Kathang.

As Mandarava attained the vajra rainbow body (jalus), she is held to be present in the world now spreading and inspiring the Dharma.

Mandarava is considered a wisdom, knowledge or awareness dakini among whose different names and manifestations are: the yogini Mirukyi Gyenchen “Adorned with Human Bone Ornaments” at the time of Marpa; Risulkyi Naljorma during the time of Nyen Lotsawa; and Drubpey Gyalmo during the time of Rechungpa. Chushingi Nyemachen, the spiritual consort Maitripa, is considered to be none other than Mandarava. The dakini Niguma is also considered to be Mandarava.

Through practice and diligence, Mandarava realised a degree of spiritual mastery equal to that of Padmasambhava her consort, evidenced in her honorific Machig Drupa Gyalmo (ma gcig grub pa'i rgyal mo), “Singular Queen Mother of Attainment”.

Mandarava was famed for her compassionate and loving nature and she saved the youthful Kalasiddhi from an untimely death, raising her to adulthood. Kalasiddhi later became another of Padmasambhava’s consorts.

Jamgon Kongtrul relates the story of Mandarava within “In The Precious Garland of Lapis Lazuli”. Another story of Mandarava is found in the 14th century Padma Thang Yig Sheldrang Ma terma of Orgyen Lingpa. There is a beautiful description of the inaugural meeting of Yeshe Tsogyal with Mandarava Flower in "Sky Dancer, the secret life and songs of the Lady Yeshe Tsogyel". Samten Lingpa (also known as Tagsham Nu Den Dorje), a terton from the second half of the 17th century, consecrated six folios to Mandarava and Padmasambhava and their pastimes in Maratika Cave.

The iconography of Mandarava in her sambhogakaya form is often of her sporting white skin with a tinge of red, wearing regal bodhisattva ornamentation. In her right hand she often holds the dadar (or arrow) a teaching tool and ritual implement and a powerful polyvalent symbol of Dzogchen, disciplic succession, lineage and transmission, amongst others. Mandarava is often adorned with banners and a melong (or mirror) which is another ritual implement, teaching tool and polyvalent symbol of Dzogchen representing the clear, reflective and void (or empty and etherial) nature of mind. Mandarava’s left hand often holds a bumpa or long-life vase or wisdom urn of the ashtamangala. Mandarava is sometimes depicted standing in an energetic dance which denotes her enlightened activity and dakini nature. When depicted with Padmasambhava, Mandarava is iconographically represented to his left.

The terton, Chögyal Namkhai Norbu, has realized and transmitted terma as well as oral instructions specifying thangka depictions and iconography of Mandarava.


i have a feeling this theme day will not last very long but thanks for the suggestions, keep them coming!

so, how does one turn back time?

Just watched some clips from the YouTube debate. I never saw such a bunch of fucking morons ask such fucking stupid questions. How do I get my life back after hearing some douche introduce the debate, someone who is probably Anderson’s butt pal, and watch some other asshole make our country look like am embarrassment. It should come to no surprise that we are all fucked.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


this is teh defendent!

his children ;_;

crime scene


looks like every dog...
gets its day

neighbors say, "i never knew...he seemed like a nice family man, you'd never know what was going on. i feel so guilty that i didn't recognize the warning signs."

Friday, July 20, 2007

people i hate #734

these three fuckin guys

i don't know ho they are. i don't care! just fuckin look at them! douches! the best thing about china is that they'd shoot these guys for bieng wastes of genetics!! have fun giving yrself b lowjogs you douchtards!!! lolololol

china exposed episode 2: my favorite chinaman

this is mr. pingping:

he is the world's smallest man.

look at his face. mr. pingping will fuck you up. yao ming up there does not stand a chance against mr. pingping.

dwarfism is a medical or genetic condition that usually results in an adult height of 4'10" (147 cm) or shorter, among both men and women, although in some cases a person with a dwarfing condition may be slightly taller than that. despite these limitations, do not feel sorry. he gets a lot of tail on account of his sharp dressing skills. little known fact: his tongue is normal sized -_O

(editor note: my favoritist chinaman, my personal photographer, was disqualified on account of being a halfsie, and also on account of not being named "mr. pingping")

just cos we has a special NEWS FEATURE doesn't mean we forget our obligations and duties to the united states public.

happy FALL FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

thx <3 <3 <3
teh schefs!!!!

ps there are five days in a working week bros!! u has suggestions for other ARTIST THEME DAYS put them in the suggestions box!! i am game for the world.





Thursday, July 19, 2007



see u at the super bowl!!!

banned in the prc!!!!!!!! baaaannned in the prc!!!!!

i has found out from operative and sassy boy JON that schefterblogz is banned in the people's republic of china. i am very dispapoiinted with this decision by kim jong il because schefterblogz has important information for everyone, even chinese ppl. i am going to start a special series today on china, because like tron i fight for the users.

schefs <3

my first bit of helpings is to point all my readers to how to buy chinese garlic. This is my favorite site for this procurement. it is good and also pretty.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

our band got a gig :D :D :D



wau wau wau

there is this raging fight going on outside my house right now between basically the entirety of some party that was in an apt next door. mariucci reports that they seemed to be having a fun time earlier but shit has gone south. when i went by, this guy was outside near a car with a girl kissing her, then suddenly this other girl shows up and snaps a picture of them. i'm like, ok, goofing off, whatev, and then the dude just goes BATSHIT INSANE on the girl with the camera and they all start screaming at each other and the kissing girl starts crying. at one point the camera girl actually said, "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU GUYS ARE LOVERS" and the dude replies "OH GOD OH GOD DON'T EVEN SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. YOU'RE A LADY. DON'T USE WORDS LIKE THAT. WHY CAN'T YOU BE A LADY SOMETIMES?" wtf wtf! now it seems the whole party is involved and it's just devolved into people screaming fuck you and crying and throwing shit and smoking.

the ministry of what the hell was i drinkin last night lol!!!1

So I had a dream last night that I think Rich would approve of:
I dreamed that Radiohead drank cyanide in grape Kool Aid on stage right before the curtains opened to reveal them in a dead heap, and they became known as the first ever rock group to kill themselves as a group
Which set off copycat suicides all over the country, it became trendy to gulp cyanide and then try to barf it up as fast as you could to see if you would live. The antidote was chugging olive oil. I did it. Michael Vick was not impressed.

Monday, July 16, 2007

personal msg to tuxedo penguin

yeah, you're right -- if i only knew a girl or two -- hmmmn -- how in the world could i possibly meet a girl or many girls? what would be awesome is if i could figure out a way to meet a girl or two who would like me enough to ask me to photograph them -- oooooh, and what if i could trick them into trusting me enough so that they'd take off their clothes and let me take pictures that way -- how could i do that? whoa -- that seems impossible. YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

yeah -- rejection -- that's it -- wow -- YOU ARE BRILLIANT!

let's quote from your profile:

"Testimonials: tuxedo penguin doesn't have any testimonials yet."

and you are diagnosing me with alcoholism because of REJECTION! sahhhweet! i guess you must REALLY understand that one -- maybe you were thinking about something called PROJECTION? you seem to be qualified to talk about that. art? no. rejection and projection? yup -- penguin dude knows his shit. thanks penguin dude.

let's see, what else? oh -- and i'm UNORIGINAL -- TOTALLY!!

i should be totally original and maybe express it using a penguin logo from a big old computer dealie -- wow -- ORIGINALITY!

wait, what were you saying about sad and little? are you making fun of your own heisted penguin logo? awwwee poor little penguin man.

angry? FULL ON! BUT!>>>>>....... while pointing and laughing at you the first thing many might notice is the LAUGHTER which is also a sign of good times and hilarity.

i could go on and on here but i'm working on a photo of a fat, ugly , stinky, kinda bald, naked girl with a glass eye (the only kind who will even talk to me) and i'm feeling totally rejected by her and super sad and little. ha --you are AWESOME.

anyway dude -- yeah, you RULE -- keep that mighty sword you're weilding sharp and shiny -- it all seems to be working out so well for you.

by the way, all these people you see know what i am REALLY like -- i have a blog n'shit yo -- filled with poop and pee and booger jokes and rants and naked chicks --- a 12 year olds DREEEEAAAAMMMM!!! you would hate it.

write more write more write more! i can harldy wait.

you penguin hero of mine.

holy crap i cant stop saying penguin!

penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin pengweeen


i know what i'm eatin for lunch today :D

how to hipster

Someone who thinks that they are being “special” and “unique” for liking some underground bullshit no one else cares about. And they pointlessly look down on people who don’t know anything about indie culture, because that’s the only thing they know anything about. They’re quick to call the rest of the world conformists when in reality, they are the ones conforming by partaking in a “too cool for mainstream so i am going to reject it by looking and acting like a grungy asshole” way of life only to seem uber-fashionable. They just end up looking like idiots.

1) Hipster: I won’t drink at starbucks, it’s too corporate.

2)Non-Hipster: I want a Louis Vitton purse because they are cool

Hipster: You’re such a conformist, haveing a Louis Vitton purse is so unoriginal. I like my purse I found in the gutter for $4 dollars.

Non-hipster: but it’s fugly

Hipster: yah, but no one else has it. It’s completely unique.

Non-hipster: that bum over there has something pretty similar though.

Hipster: You’re ignorant because you can’t see the real beauty in life.

I don’t have time for this, I’m gonna go to my cave of an apartment and listen to some indie rock you’ve probably never heard of….

Non hipster: You need to see a therapist

Hipster: I am my own therapist.

Friday, July 13, 2007

kids say the darndest things!

The baby kitten watch TV with me. And baby kitten go in a pumpkin and bust 'em up. The baby kitten play with me. And then when I lay down he step on my face. The baby kitten ride with me on the roller coaster and I cover him with the blankets; he was dying but he's still alive.

advice needed ie i hate him pt 2

My roommate and I went out pretty hard last night. We both had awful days at work, got toasted at our softball game… it was time to tie one on.

We got back to our place, met up with some friends, got several cases of beer, and started pounding.

After we were about 8 deep we decided to go out. We hopped in a cab and for some unbeknown reason went to Nanny O’briens — i hate that place and smelled extra bad last night. So we get in there and immediately hit the bar. We were shooting whiskey, throwing darts, guzzling beers and cat calling every girl in the bar. It was altogether turning out to be a great night.

so after browning out for about 2 hours we left…. hopped in a cab and went home. At about 4:30 AM I hear this groaning inside my bedroom. All the lights were off and it was pitch black — I couldn’t see anything. I was totally scared shitless until I turned on the light. There he was, my roommate, standing in front of my dresser, butt naked peeing all over everything - my clothes, a pair of shoes, and my wallet which I’d tossed on the ground when I got back. I got out of bed and started yelling at him but he was a total zombie. He was totally done. I went closer to him and I smelled something terrible, far worse than just his piss. It smelled like rotten eggs and puke. I looked down and saw a stream of brown going down his leg. At the bottom of his feet was a swirled up pile of crap.

I was totally shocked. I grabbed him and turned him around — he’d stopped peeing and was just standing there idle at this point. When he faced me I noticed that he had puked on himself, probably before he sketch-pissed in my room.

I’m still in total shock and I don’t want to go home. Is this reasonable grounds to leave a roommate even though he’s a pretty good friend? does he need help, like an intervention?

this week's SASSIEST BOY IN AMERICA yaaaaay!!!!1 (scandinavian edition)

Tuomas Lauri Johannes Holopainen (born December 25, 1976, in Kitee, Finland is the keyboardist and main songwriter in the Finnish symphonic metal band Nightwish. He has also played in the bands Nattvindens Gråt and Darkwoods My Betrothed. His current side project is the gothic-doom metal band For My Pain.... He currently plays in the band of Timo Rautiainen.

Holopainen started studying in a music college majoring in clarinet and minoring in piano. He has played various kinds of music, including classical, jazz and metal. He played in several bands, including recording keyboards for three albums with the black metal band Darkwoods My Betrothed, before coming up with the idea for a band of his own, where he would write all the music. That was the birth of Nightwish in July of 1996, around a camp fire. He then asked Emppu Vuorinen and Tarja Turunen to join what then was but an acoustic project. After hearing Turunen's strong voice, Tuomas decided to turn Nightwish into a metal act.

Nightwish's first release, Angels Fall First, came in 1997, but it was in 1998, after the release of Oceanborn, that Holopainen's compositional skills reached full acclaim worldwide. In Century Child, Once and the upcoming album Holopainen began collaborating with symphonic orchestras from Finland and the United Kingdom.

Nightwish released the DVD End of an Era, cointaining their last concert with Tarja Turunen, in Hartwall arena, Helsinki 2005.

The next Nightwish release Dark Passion Play is set for September 2007 with a lead-in single, Eva, released on May 25, 2007, an internet and radio release.

Holopainen is a Disney, J. R. R. Tolkien and Dragonlance fan, with some of his songs containing references to these worlds.

Holopainen have been as a producer of the Silentium's album Sufferion - Hamartia of Prudence (2003).

HAPPY FALL FRIDAY GUIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dudes sorry i been not too active this week, had a hectic coupla days. it's dangerous to go into the weekend alone tho, so here--take this.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

P L A Y S T A T I O N!!!!!!!!!!11! :D :D :D A+++

this is teh reasons we fought the civil war and got our independenced fcrom spain for!! happy 4th of july, hos and bros :D

i am the fuckin food pirate!~!! arrrrr!!! :D

hey bros i'm gonna be jettin outta town to go hang out with my sister and see a noize show this weekend so we're gonna pretend today is friday, because, lol, today IS friday for me y'knowwhatimean!! :D you know what that means....

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


The Giant Otter, Pteronura brasiliensis, (also known as the river wolf) is the longest of the world's otters, as well as the largest mustelid. It is native to South America but is endangered and is also very rare in captivity. A group of giant otters is called a romp, a bevy, a family, or a raft.

Physical characteristics
The River Wolf can reach up to 6 ft (1.8 m) in length, and weigh up to 76 lb (34 kg). The females are smaller and weigh only 57–60 lb (26–27 kg). It has a lifespan of 12 years in their natural habitat, and 21 years in captivity. Its fur is dense, thick and velvety, and is highly sought after by fur traders. The guard hairs are short, 5/16 in (8 mm) long, twice as long as the under-fur. The fur is water repellent and is a deep chocolate brown in color. A unique white mark is located on the throat that can be used to distinguish between individuals. The head is round and the ears are small. The nose is completely covered in fur, with only the two slit-like nostrils visible. The eyes are large and they have acute vision, an adaptation for hunting underwater. The legs are short and stubby and end in large webbed feet tipped with sharp claws. The River Wolf is well suited for an aquatic life, and can close its ears while underwater. River Wolfs can also close their nostrils when they swim under water. o_O

Feeding ecology
The River Wolf is one of the largest predators of its region, and so can choose from a wide variety of animals to feed on. It feeds mainly on fish, such as catfish, piranha, and perch, but will also feed on crabs, small caimans, and snakes, including small anacondas. It can hunt both in groups and alone, tending to head towards the deeper waters while in groups. It consumes up to 10 lb (4.5 kg) of food each day, using mostly its eyesight to locate its prey. The giant otter has very few natural predators. Caimans and large anacondas prey upon both young and adult otters by ambush. On land jaguars are also a threat to otters when they are in search of more suitable water reserves in the dry season.

Social and reproductive biology
The River Wolf is a highly social animal and lives in extended family groups of between 4-8 members. Group members share roles within the group, structured around the dominant breeding pair. The females have a gestation period of 65-70 days, giving birth to 1-5 young. Mothers give birth in an underground den near the river shore. Otter pups are taught to swim after two months and left to fend for themselves after two to three years. The River Wolf is very sensitive to human activity, and tourists boating too close to a nursing mother can cause her so much stress that she stops producing milk, causing her young to starve. The Giant Otter gives birth annually. The River Wolf is the only species of mustelid that is monogamous.

The Giant Otter is known locally in Guyana as "Lobo del Rio" ("the river wolf") and in Brazil as "Ariranha".

a handy smidgen of info

Sadly I've given this a bit of thought. In my mind, if you guys were gladiators...these would be the weapon choices I see for you guys:

Rich: Trident & Net with a sweet helmet

Troy: 5-foot long morning star (but with a metal skull on the end) and a midget on his back (see Thunderdome minus downs)

Cris: Throwing knives and daggers...and some cowboy boots that when he clicks the heals, a razor blade comes out of the toe. He relies on his cat-like reflexes

Carucci: He has the gift of the wild. He can summon beasts to aid him in his conquests. Otherwise he has a bull whip.