SCHEFTERBLOG!SCHEFTERBLOG!SCHEFTERBLOG!

I GOTA CAT

2010-07-15T09:27:00.001-07:00

I ran out of cat food though, but he seems to liike this better anyway! His name is Purrman Munson. I figure once I get sick of him, I'll cook him.

Do u remember the time (when we fell in love!)

2010-07-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

I logged in this morninga fter a long disclourse from the internet - I have been so busy being the most improtant man on ESPN and on Twitter. You can follow men here: @adamschefter. That is where I put my Brett Favre alerts!

Anyway I acthually logged in because I thought it would be importyant to update everyone on some very important news, more important than me being on ESPN (because it is terrible, do you know how much of a fancy boy LeBron is? Ugh. And they don't even have free donuts, and sometimes expect me to go to CONNECTICUT which is just shit, to be totally fair). Do you remember our SASSIES BOY IN AMERICA contest? We might hold another one because it gets you places: our winner, Max, is now a prominent intellectual on the internet! Please read his work about devils in our society here: http://gawker.com/5587507/horned-man-attempts-to-murder-landlord-with-minivan. And comment on it to make him prouder and more confiendet!

Anywahy that is it, I hope you are all doing well and watching ESPN to see me! Except don't turn it on whn Around the Horn is on - that is the worst thing I've ever seen at all, it is even stupiderr if you witness them doing it in person.

HELLO, LONG TIME NO SEE!

2010-07-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

BUSY AT WORK!!!

2009-04-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

look at what i did -_-

we are real in the cosmos and we feel so cosmic tonight

2009-03-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

here is a picture of my friend and most favorited actor, nicolas cage or as i like to call him "nicolage", in a new movie in which he is playing a high school goth kid who sometimes fucks a fat ren faire girl. it's called "the hobo matrix". lookin forward to it!!!

hobo shanties here i come

2009-03-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

hello m yloyal fans -- i apologize for not updating more but with the kid, and the job, it's been a hard time. well not anymore! it is true. time magazines former man of the year is no longer with teh nfl networks. $1 billionz from directv and they can't spare a lousy $5 mil for moi!!! FUK THIS. and then i find out that mnf is re-upping kornheisers contract today! knorheiser! that dude is the fucking worst! i once, no shit, punched him square in a balls and still he wouldn'tshut the fuck up about tennis metaphors, or maybe it was about cary tennis, or tennis shoes. who knows, i just know it sure as shit had nothing to do with my question, "what do you think the bears are going to do this season eh?"

brb i need more bourbons. gaah! maybe i'll become a novelist, i heard there is a competition in november every year called nannerpuss. if that asshole jason elam can write multiple novles as he points out to me ALL THE TIME that he is a published gentlmen of letters, anyway if he can do it i can be the next michael crichton.

brb!

i am v offended at my disclusion from this political discourse

2008-10-22T11:15:00.001-07:00

A friend had said to Davis: “The way you pick a vice president is, you get a frame of Time magazine, and you put the pictures of the people in that frame. You look at who fits that frame best — that’s your V. P.”

ahem.

holy crap!

2008-10-16T10:23:00.001-07:00

ok so i met this dude barry at a party and he seemed like an ok type of guy, we had a good time together, he recognized me from time magazine and told me about how he was also on the time magazine but was not man of the year. so i gave him my email. i figured, he was on magazines, i am on magazines, we're pretty much bros, we both enjoy jello shots, it seems were a good match. he was all, i'd like you to also meet my friend joe, you guys would be friends, can i include him on emails too? like we will have an email club! so i'm always excited for email clubs! i say sure thing.

lo9ok at my fucking inbox!!!!

I HAVE A WIFE AND A KID NOW!!!! JESUS GUYS TRY TO BE COOL ALREADY!

remuneration GET! !

2008-04-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

PIK-A-DOOR

2008-04-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

PICK A DOOR

i am distrubed and appaleld by this

2008-04-18T08:03:00.001-07:00

daily mail hase a v important news story today about the state of b ritain's young people that i find upsetting. i have called a taxi many times in london and have never received a cabnet. why is this? because i speak in the queen's english (sometims with a kentucky accent for the fun of it, and to meet ladies :D). i do not think she should receive an apology or a refund and besides she has a pretty cabnet so what is the harm done?

good names for kitteh: update

2008-04-18T07:39:00.001-07:00

anderson cougar

rectal administration of liquid form

2008-04-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

DOSE : 2.5 mg rectal 5-MeO-AMT (liquid)
smoked Cannabis
BODY WEIGHT : 200 lb

Timing and shit...

T+ 0:00 - 2.5mg 5-meo-amt administered rectally
T+ 0:10 - Gastrointestinal disturbances hit, drugs is expelled from body
T+ 0:15 - Nausea present, pupils size of pinpricks
T+ 0:20 - Few hits of high grade marijuana smoked to ease nausea, and worked like a charm
T+ 0:30 - Nice mental clarity effects noticed, mild visualizations present with ability to increase intensity of if focused on
T+ 0:40 - Seem to have hit the plateau.

I had recently purchased 300 mg of 5-meo-amt powder from an online retailer, and as soon as the package came in the mail, I was eager to try it. The substance came in a tiny, almost beaker-ish 'bottle' of you will, about an inch tall and a circumference of about 1 cm. It was marked with numerous poison warnings and the like, and ironically, the word 'poison' was actually misspelled in one of them. Go figure.

The bottle was placed inside an envelope, placed inside a fed ex bag, placed inside another bag and another and so on about 4 times. I felt already as if I was in one of those 'cartoon' experiences where someone receives a package inside of a package inside of a package just to get something tiny.

I toyed around with the substance for a few days in powder form, and in doing so accidentally ingested an estimated 15 mg. Needless to say, I went pretty much insane over that one, so in the spirit of being careful, I decided to use the water-dosing method.

I took the 300 mg of powder and mixed it with 60 ml of water, to give it a potency of 5mg/ml. I figured this dose was about right to be considered one 'hit.' Also, taking into the account the 25 mg or so I had already taken of the substance, I was giving myself nice 'padding' in case of an accidental overdose or some other unexpected dose-dependant emergency.

After a few days, I wanted to try to find a quicker way of ingestion than oral or insufflated, being as each takes roughly three hours to kick in. I decided I would try an experiment; given that our colon is the last organ in our digestive system and therefore absorbs things rather quickly, would it absorb a drug such as this? If so, how quickly? Would the side effects be lessened to any extent? I decided to find out.

So, as gross as it may sound to some, I took 1/2 a ml of the substance, and using a 'dropper,' administered the 5-meo-amt rectally. I didn't feel much at first; I simply felt like I needed to use the restroom, but knew I couldn't so that the substance could be properly absorbed.

When you feel this way, it's amazing how slowly time goes by. By 10 minutes I could already feel the drug coming on with its alteration of the digestive system. As anyone who's used this before knows, 5-meo-amt is known to cause nausea and diarrhea as well as other gastric disturbances. This time seemed to be no exception.

With that, I decided to empty myself of the substance and whatever followed it, and in the process of doing so, noticed the drug coming on quite intensely. The wallpaper in my bathroom started to come alive, and it felt as though I was surrounded by the ocean.

I started feeling quite nauseated, so I layed down on the bathroom floor for a while to feel better. I stared at the ceiling and it began shrinking and expanding in different places, and the walls seemed to be dancing to the beat of an unknown drum. I felt as though I was deep underwater, but once again, in one of those cartoony ways. Underwater was a fucking happening place to be.

After fighting off the nausea with a few hits of some high grade marijuana, I felt very clear headed and definitely in a trippy kind of mood. Nothing incredibly intense, but very pleasurable nonetheless. Visuals are, at this dosage, slightly there, but if you want to see them you can enhance them if they are focused on.

All in all I am very surprised at how efficient this 'odd' method of ingestion seems to be. Instead of taking upwards of 3 hours via the oral route, the rectal route provided a nice trippy state by the half hour mark. And to think, I only took half a hit, and only held it in for 10 minutes or so...

I personally would recommend extreme caution with this dosing method. You will be surprised how quickly the drug starts to overtake you, and even if your dosage is accurate, there is as yet unknown to me any way of knowing how quickly your colon absorbs the 5-meo-amt, or whether or not you have completely absorbed the dosage that you have taken before expelling it. I wonder what might have happened with me if I had held my dosage for the first half hour... I could have been in store for some fairly intense tripping. If you decide to try this method, I would advise you to be extremely careful, and if things start getting out of hand, flush the drug out of your system immediately! Better safe than sorry!

Happy travels!

my thoughts about the season

2008-04-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

i have been working on my thoughts of the season for a long time to put in my upcoming book, "thoughts about the season by adam schefter", which is why i have had no time for updating this internets website for the readers and the people (this is probably why i am not even listed in the time magazine most influential persons poll ;_;) so i'd like to give you, the reader a preview now.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 18 AND 1 MORE LIKE 18 AND FUK U!!! hahaha bardy man what can u do about the things. at least you didn't have to win and have fellatio relations with bill simmons.

BTW S IMMONS U B EEN HIDING FROM ME??? YOU KNOW OUR BET. I GET TO "JARED LETO IN FIGHT CLUB" YR ASS. STOP FUCKIN ROUND AND COME OVER. I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS FOR YEARS AND YEARS.

a+++++++++++++ maybe the broncos will wiin inspriration from this story of triumphs?

THE COMBINGINGS OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS!!1111111

2008-04-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

hai bros hows it been making :D

V V V V V V DEADLY TIGER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

How to Understand the NFL by Adam Schefter

2007-11-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

Understand it like this.

good names for kitteh

2007-11-05T11:11:00.001-08:00

steven meowlkmus
tony romew
meowtha graham
john meowdden
cat power
peyton meowing
jesus & mewy chain (you need two cats for this one to work out)
john meowcain
damon meowlbarn
rudy mewliani
flying meowkins
kittney spears
mewssolini
meowchael douglas
randy meows
steve shasta semew-professional wakeboarder
aunt jemewmew
karl lagerfeld

LETS US ALL GO FUCKIN QUIZNOS

2007-11-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

that's right

2007-11-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

TEHY HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE SO DELICIOUS

Late update:

Rebuttal:

next year's halloween costume

2007-11-02T13:36:00.001-07:00

THE FUTURE OF MY MOUTH IS HERE!

2007-11-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

i'm going to drink the shit out of this hot sauce. now, i know, it is tabasco. now, you are probably saying, "adam schefter, you are a hot sauce virgin if you think tabasco is even worth throwing in the cat's litter box, much less consuming. i prefer alien anal-probe xtra terrestrial hot sauce or some other variety that you gotta buy only online or in one of those weird hot sauce emporiums that i hear tales of existing." you are saying this because you are a homosexual fag. you think i don't have hot sauce!? i have like ten bottles of hot sauce in my house. sriachachacha, frank's, whatever. i MAKE my own hot sauce.

but this jalapeno stuff is like my new boyfriend, guys. it's not too spicy, so your pussy friends can partake! it tastes like the color green! it's delicious, and i recommend you purchase some today.

^^ this is the official schef hot sauce seal of approval

it all makes sense. it all finally makes fucking sense.

2007-11-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

IM IN UR WASTELAND BURYING UR DEAD

april hates u, makes lilacs, u no can has. (1)
april in ur memoriez, making ur desire.
spring rain in ur dull rootzes.

earth in ur winter, covered in snow
can has potato. PO-TA-TO.
INVISIBLE SUMMER! RAININGZES!
im in ur hofgarden, drinking ur coffeez.

at archduke’s haus, invisible sled!
im in ur moutainz, holding on tight.
no can has cheezburger.
oral sex metaphors in ur poem.

has anybody seen my tambourine?!

2007-10-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

everything you've ever seen in your entire life will now remind you of tim curry, because everything in the world is represented in this video.

word in the cosmic sense

2007-10-22T16:13:00.001-07:00

say a prayer for surf boy...wherever he is.

2007-10-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

Max McGee never would have made it in Roger Goodell's NFL. Then again, neither would many of his contemporaries.

McGee, who died Saturday after falling from the roof of his home in Minnesota, was a symbol of a league that no longer exists. One in which players went out on Saturday night, caroused to their heart's content, and then showed up on Sunday and played their hearts out.

From Bobby Layne through Paul Hornung and Joe Namath to dozens of lesser known players like McGee, the routine was liquor, ladies and late hours. Players were rarely fined, no one ever heard of steroids, and no one ever got suspended - except Hornung and Alex Karras, for what was then (and now) the one great sin, gambling.

McGee was the third wide receiver on Vince Lombardi's great Green Bay Packers, who won three NFL titles between 1961-65, then the first two Super Bowls.

He was one of the heroes of the first AFL-NFL championship, as it was then called, a 35-10 win over Kansas City. He caught two touchdown passes from Bart Starr after spending the night "on the town" and getting just a couple hours of sleep.

Early in the game, starter Boyd Dowler injured his shoulder and McGee heard his name called.

"I was just sitting there, dozing in the sun, and Lombardi yelled 'McGee get the hell in there!' " McGee told Lee Remmel, the team's historian and a local newspaper reporter in those days.

So at age 33, after a season in which he had just four receptions, McGee had a game that made him a part of NFL history. Otherwise, he might have been a footnote, although he did have a productive 12-season career: 345 receptions with an 18.2-yard average per catch and 50 touchdowns.

McGee's day received notice because it was in that first Super Bowl. Otherwise, no one would have raised an eyebrow - certainly not in the commissioner's office where there was no personal player conduct policy like the one instituted by Goodell after he took office last year following a rash of run-ins by players with the law.

Had there been, who knows how many players would have been brought before Pete Rozelle?

But the attitude back them was "boys will be boys," both within the NFL and within society.

Players from that era talk with a slight chuckle about teammates being pulled over for DUI, showing their licenses and having the police involved suddenly change their outlook in the presence of celebrity. The next thing they knew, one police officer was driving them home and another was driving the player's car to safety.

Rarely was anyone charged and most often nothing was ever made public.

"Everyone accepted it," says Gene Upshaw, the executive director of the NFL Players Association. "It was just part of the way society was in those days."

Upshaw played from 1968-82 for the Oakland Raiders, who have always been a landing spot for players who had trouble fitting in elsewhere. John Matuszak was the poster boy for that, the first pick by Houston in the 1973 draft whose off-field behaviour soon landed him in Kansas City and eventually with the Raiders.

"A lot of guys prided themselves on our reputation," Upshaw recalls. "It was like we had an advantage just walking on the field. The other guys would back off. It was like 'Here come the bad boys.' "

McGee had that reputation and so did Hornung and some of their other teammates.

But unlike the Raiders, the Packers as a team had to be a little more discreet about it. Lombardi wasn't as tolerant of wild behaviour as Al Davis.

Still, when McGee caught those two TD passes in the Super Bowl after his night on the town, it was part of the culture.

the return of teh japanese business executivie

2007-10-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

;_;

2007-10-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

Wednesday's Hero

2007-10-10T15:07:00.000-07:00

User:Ward3001

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ward3001

This user is a recent changes patroller.
This user strives to maintain a policy of neutrality on controversial issues.
This user thinks that registration should be required to edit articles.
ZT This user supports a strict zero-tolerance policy on vandalism.
no
ads This user is against advertisements on Wikipedia.
linkspam This user despises linkspam, and will terminate it on sight, as well as any other spam by the contributor.
vanity This user supports the removal of vanity pages with extreme prejudice.
This user recognizes the importance of citing sources.
This user fixes Double redirects.
This user feels that deletions subject to a popularity contest rather than a verifiability test damage Wikipedia more than any userbox ever could.
_ This_user_dislikes_seeing underscores_in_Wikilinks
This user believes that a user's edit count does not necessarily reflect on the value of their contributions to Wikipedia.
This user has a Doctor of Philosophy degree.
This user has published peer-reviewed articles in academic journals.
BYOB This user's MBTI type is BYOB.
which & that This user knows how to use which and that correctly.
their / there / they’re There are too many people who don’t know that they’re even worse than their children at spelling!
your/ you’re This user thinks that if your grammar is incorrect, you’re in need of help.

This user lives in or hails from
North Carolina.

Honorable mention: Dr. Robert Jarvik - inventor of the Jarvik artificial heart, malevolent multi-dimensional being, and loving father.

Mangini: Coughlin's a 'funny guy'

2007-10-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

Jets coach Eric Mangini yesterday called Giants head coach Tom Coughlin "a pretty funny guy," which was pretty funny. "I haven't gotten to know him too well," Mangini said. "I met him a few times and then I sat next to him at Romeo (Crennel's) daughter's wedding and got to spend some time with him there. He's a pretty funny guy. You don't know somebody until you get to know them, and I really enjoyed the time we got to spend in that situation. And I thought he had a great sense of humor."

joe torre r.i.p.

2007-10-09T10:41:00.001-07:00

;_;

ladies and gentlemen, i give you...JOHNNY WONG!

2007-10-09T10:38:00.001-07:00

this animal is a cross between a cat and a wizened kung fu master. where do i buy a thing like this??! i'm fuckin OBSESSED bros.

Kung Fu do what you do to me
I haven't been the same since my teenage lobotomy
Full on, I moved to Hong Kong
With Bruce Lee's brother and Johnny Wong

I think it's strange
He's friends with Fu Manchu
And he thinks he knows you
Uh uh uh uh uh oh
Oh Daniel San made in Taiwan
Come on Jackie Chan
Uh uh uh uh uh oh

Last night Jackie Chan came around
I played pool with him and we hung out
Mr. Miagi and the X-men
Called in for a while as well

I think it's strange
He's friends with Fu Manchu
And he thinks he knows you
Uh uh uh uh uh oh
Oh Daniel San made in Taiwan
Come on Jackie Chan
Uh uh uh uh uh oh

Kung Fu do what you do to me
I can't live without my Kung Fu movies
'Shanghai Killers' and 'Deadly Road'
My life was ruined when the Green Dragon closed

Oh I think it's strange
He's friends with Fu Manchu
And he thinks he knows you
Uh uh uh uh uh oh
Oh Daniel San made in Taiwan
Come on Jackie Chan
Uh uh uh uh uh oh

I think it's strange
He's friends with Fu Manchu
And he's in love with you
Uh uh uh uh uh oh
Oh Daniel San made in Taiwan
Come on Jackie Chan
Uh uh uh uh uh oh

boners r.i.p.

2007-10-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

i had kinda a weird weekend

2007-10-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

shit that is very ok, a probably not too often updated series

2007-10-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm on a train to new brunswick, nj. For the past near hour I've been
staring at this poster. It has a picture of a lady, pointing angrily
at a hispanic boy, about 8 years old. He is making that face-the one
where you are trying to look extra sad and pathetic, but also are
trying not to laugh because, secretly, whatever you did to get
yourself in trouble is still fucking hilarious.

Anyway, across the top it reads, "maybe he CAN'T 'just stop
it'...maybe it's a neurological disorder." At the bottom, in larger
letters, it says, "maybe...it's TOURETTE'S."

(thanks u to schefterblogz #1 bffs <3 <3 <3 brian and wankette for these images, which will be used 400x on this internets website for the future)

say a prayer for surf boy...wherever he is

2007-10-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

Popular Enoshima aquarium seal dies after 10 1/2-year run

YOKOHAMA (Kyodo) Minazo, Japan's largest seal, died this week having charmed visitors for 10 1/2 years at Enoshima Aquarium in Fujisawa, Kanagawa Prefecture, aquarium officials said.

The 11-year-old male, 4.5-meters long and weighing about 2 tons, was the largest seal ever raised by a Japanese aquarium. The animal died Tuesday after its appetite began to rapidly weaken the day before, officials said. The cause of death was not immediately known.

Minazo was brought to Japan from Uruguay in 1995. The seal soon mastered a variety of comical feats, including a popular stunt in which he held a bucket with one flipper while sticking out his tongue.

Minazo quickly rose to stardom at the aquarium, where his three shows a day proved a hit with visitors.

The aquarium has set up a space in front of Minazo's water tank to allow visitors to leave flowers in Minazo's memory, the officials said.

D:

in the court of the otm

2007-10-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

more shit that is not ok, an ongoing series

2007-10-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

ARE YOU ENJOYING THE JOURNEY???

2007-10-02T09:36:00.001-07:00

shit that is not ok, an ongoing series

2007-09-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Girls pretending to like football so guys think they're cool

2007-09-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

this has become a horrible trend. i’ve noticed that when i’m out or when a girl meets me she asks what my “team” is…. we then start to talk about football and she tricks me into thinking that she actually likes it.

the nfl has even started making women’s size jersey’s etc… for this. it’s not that i’m opposed to women liking football, i just wish they wouldn’t act like it was important to them to get to me.

;_; NEVAR FORGET

2007-09-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

To live like I ain't never lived before. If y'all see me in the news, and I make the news for something that I ain't got no business making it for, don't bash me. Say it was a young guy living.

Don't Tase me, bro,

2007-09-18T15:40:00.000-07:00

Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,

Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,
Don't Tase me, bro,

my fans fill me with inertia

2007-09-17T09:33:00.001-07:00

lol awes!!!

SPIRITUAL MIDWIFERY HAS GOT ME SPRUNG

2007-09-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

I FEEL SO COSMIC BROS!

THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING

2007-09-13T10:21:00.003-07:00

the fuck, jimmy??? lol you gotta crash better family vacays than the belichick one, bro.

MID-WEEK INTERNET UPDATE

2007-09-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

FINALLY A NEW REASONS TO "NEVER FORGET" 9/11!

2007-09-11T13:47:00.001-07:00

it is the day that i discovered my new favorite painter and author, james de blas!. behold the christ eagle:

The Legend Of Humopia, my most recent story and
deals with a planets' struggle with the forces of Love
and Fear. Humopian's are a race of blue beings living
on Humopia, the Pearl Planet. This story remains a
mystery until I am ready to unveil it.

i am excited for the unveiling of this new story!!!! never forget!

speedy deliveries!!

2007-09-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

reader "ross" inquired of us the following inquiries:

you seem like the man who would know: I have tried to care about the Vikings for years but ever since Chris Carter left it just seems pointless. And I don't live there anymore. Which team should I now love and where in NY can I go to drink and watch them lose? Oh I should say that as a Minnesotan I expect whatever team I support to be promising but ultimately fail horribly.

thxs u for your faith in my recommendations, and also thxs u for readershiop! i would recommend this team:

the problem is, this is not actually a real team. since you are in ny, the easiest bet for you is to root for either the giants or the jets. the jets are a bunch of fairies who haven't been worth even spitting on since the day namath retired, so that leaves you with the giants. being a giants fan will be fulfilling in the way mentioned: the season will be promising, but ultimately you will go home bewildered and upset by how much this team obviously hates you and all of the other fans, and is just trying to spite you. eli's receivers have apparently stopped being little girl bitches who'd rather play with their my little ponies than play football this year, which of course means that the defense will piss themselves in fear when confronted with tony romo.

(fyi tony "badass awesome terrifying voltron of quarterbacking" romo: )

in terms of bars, most of them are terrible. if the closest one to your house has a couple of tvs, i'd just recommend that one. my last apartments in nyc were up on the upper west side and all the way up by columbia--so, i just went to whatever was nearest to me up there, if i was in town that weekend. any place that is a shitty hole-in-the-wall but has a chalkboard outside saying something like "NFL TICKET! 25c WINGS!" is going to be a good choice, also. you probably want to actually avoid bars that are specifically sports bars (ie most "irish" "pubs"), at least in nyc, unless you like being around mouth-breathing jets fans for hours.

sincerely,
the schef

it's my fuckin jam, bitch!!

2007-09-10T11:47:00.001-07:00

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

WHOA DUDES FREE CHEGGIT INVITES GET EM WHILE U CAN !!!

2007-09-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

THIS DUDES GOT 100 INVITES TO CHEGGIT.NET

FREE CHEGGIT INVITES HERE

SNORGY SNORGY SNORGY

2007-09-07T09:54:00.001-07:00

LABOR DAY WAS RAD!!!!!

VOTERS: SCHEF MOST FUKKABLE

2007-09-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Having this honor the same year as being recognized as the world's most important human by Time Magazine is just truly unbelievable. I mean I dreamed it all a million times, but having reality come true is an indescribable sensation kind of like fucking a puma and a jaguar at the same time but even that doesn't capture the breathlessness of my super-scenario.

Thank you I love you all, my fans. :)

Click here for full results

gorrrrrdon!

2007-08-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

lol shelly duval u r my favorite lady, all times 4 eva.

boobs in the cosmic sense

2007-08-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

BEHOLD

christopher cross wednesdays!

2007-08-22T11:42:00.001-07:00

just call me kotaku lol

2007-08-22T09:04:00.001-07:00

this is gonna be the most solid year ever from now to next august guys!!

michael jacksons is of all nations all races

2007-08-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

thxs you,
the schef

COLOSSUS THE FORBIN PROJECT

2007-08-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

Kokomo is basically the worst song ever written. It should be removed from the Beach Boys' canon and added as a bonus track on some U2 or Radiohead or Coldplay record. Every time Kokomo is played, a wormhole opens between this world and a dimension of unfettered lameness, a place so putrid and pathetically mediocre in every way that it makes Jay Leno sound like Lenny Bruce and the diced onions on a McDonald's burger taste like scotch bonnets. Kokomo is the mind killer. Kokomo is the little death that brings total obliteration. The Hustle by Van McCoy has more sack than fucking Kokomo.

O SHIT

2007-08-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

BEDSIDE TABLE

INTRUDER ALERT!

whut i need for my day

2007-08-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

Mating Rituals of Low-Middle Class Women

2007-08-20T08:08:00.001-07:00

1. A proclivity for using the word “classy” frequently
2. Racoon streaks
3. Wearing shirts with statements on them, like “Hotter than your girlfriend”, “sassy”, “sex magnet”, etc
4. Flipping out on anyone who calls you a bitch
5. Boost mobile subscriber
6. Referring to your boyfriend as “your man”
7. Fake shiny jewelry
8. Identifying with Fergie

9. Lip Gloss
10. Wedge shoes with high heels
11. Jorts
12. White beach sandals
13. Streak-colored hair
14. Opossum Pie
15. Making dance videos and submitting them to YOUTUBE

16. Outta control piercings (lip/eyebrow/10 in one ear)
17. Tats (especially the infamous tramp stamp)
18. Carrying cigarettes in the same hand as a lit one.

19. Droppin the F-bomb every other word
20. Making out with other women in clubs
21. fake and bake on a consistent basis
22. Ridiculous amount of make-up
23. Those little Coach logo purses
24. French manicured Acrylic nails
25. Everything in her closet is from Forever 21
26. Letting her bra and/or panties show (i.e. wearing pants that expose her thong)
27. Little charms attached to cell phone
28. Rihanna ringtones
29. Overdone black eyeliner
30. Imitating Paris Hilton

31. Track suits with Juicy on the ass
32. Toy dogs in carriers
33. Referring to their bf as “beau”
34. Chewing gum like a cow
35. Running and screaming when their BFF enters the room yet 2 seconds earlier talking about them behind their back
36. Considering the Olive Garden as fine dining
37. Reading US Weekly or another supermarket rag religiously
38. Posting cute Myspace comments on his page (x2 if they are premade graphics with lines like “just droppin’ in to say hi”)
39. Wearing a track suit on a plane
40. Vacationing in Florida

my computer is blunged out!!!!

2007-08-17T13:49:00.001-07:00

lol who needs to look up pron

comings of the japans pt 11

2007-08-17T11:17:00.001-07:00

Your Japanese Name Is...

Kuri Karasuma

What's your Japanese Name?

WELCOME TO THE NEW TURBONEGRO WEEKEND FUCKERS

2007-08-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

This guide addresses problems associated with rave parties. Rave parties–or, more simply, raves–are dance parties that feature fast-paced, repetitive electronic music and accompanying light shows. Raves are the focus of rave culture, a youth-oriented subculture that blends music, art and social ideals (e.g., peace, love, unity, respect, tolerance, happiness). Rave culture also entails the use of a range of licit and illicit drugs. Drug use is intended to enhance ravers' sensations and boost their energy so they can dance for long periods.

Rave party problems will be familiar to many police officers working in communities where raves have been held; they will be unfamiliar to many other officers who have never experienced raves or, perhaps, even heard of them. In many jurisdictions, the first time a young person dies while or after attending a rave and using rave-related drugs sparks media, public and political pressure on police to take action.1

In some respects, rave party problems are unique; they combine a particular blend of attitudes, drugs and behavior not found in other forms of youth culture. In other respects, rave party problems are but the latest variation in an ongoing history of problems associated with youth entertainment, experimentation, rebellion, and self-discovery.2

Dealing appropriately with raves is difficult for police. On the one hand, police often face substantial pressure from mainstream society to put an end to raves, usually through aggressive law enforcement. On the other hand, raves are enormously popular among a significant minority of teenagers and young adults, most of whom are generally law abiding and responsible. Strict enforcement efforts can alienate a key segment of this population from government in general, and the police in particular. To be sure, raves can pose genuine risks, but those risks are frequently exaggerated in the public's mind. It is important that police recognize that most rave-related harms happen to the ravers themselves, and while ravers are not wholly responsible for those harms, they willingly assume much of the risk for them. Accordingly, rave party problems are at least as much public health problems as they are crime and disorder problems. It is critical that you establish a solid base of facts about rave-related harms in your community, facts from which you can intelligently develop local policies and responses.

The principal rave-related concerns for police are:

* drug overdoses and associated medical hazards;
* drug trafficking and the potential for violence associated with it;
* noise (from rave music, crowds and traffic);
* driving under the influence; and
* traffic control and parking congestion.

Related Problems

Rave party problems are only one set of problems relating to youth, large crowds and illegal drugs, problems police are partially responsible for addressing. Other problems not directly addressed in this guide include:

* problems associated with crowds at music clubs (e.g., hiphop clubs), and at concerts and other big events;
* assaults in and around bars;
* thefts of and from cars in parking facilities;
* disorderly youth in public places;
* graffiti;
* street-level drug dealing;
* clandestine drug labs;
* high-level trafficking in rave-related drugs; and
* use of illicit drugs in acquaintance rape.

Factors Contributing to Rave Party Problems

Understanding the factors that contribute to your problem will help you frame your own local analysis questions, determine good effectiveness measures, recognize key intervention points, and select appropriate responses.

Ethnic hair styles -
Sloppy male hippies -
Retro punks -
People with thick glasses -
Glorifying serial killers -
Hobbit motherfuckers -
No guts -
No glory -
No riot -

ARGH -
YAGH -
I've had enough -
My generation sucks -
AUCK -
YAGH -
I agree -
My generation sucks -

Cyber idiots with pierced scrotums -
Copulating -
With animals -
In cars -
Parked ouside the rave party -
Not enough war -
Not enough famine -
Not enough suffering -
Not enough natural selection -

ARGH -
YAGH -
That's what I say -
My generation sucks -
AUCK -
YAGH -
I've had enough -
My generation sucks

THE JAPAN

2007-08-17T10:04:00.001-07:00

I AM COSMIC

2007-08-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

I AM THE IN N OUT BURGER. I DECLARE THUMB WAR. I RIDE THE ENDLESS WAVES OF LOVE. I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN JUDGED AMERICA'S MOST LIVABLE MID-SIZED CITY.

I; THE INFINITE BEAST, THE DOG BEYOND CONCEPT, THE SMALL CAT.

Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes

2007-08-15T10:22:00.001-07:00

from the reader mailbag :D

2007-08-14T15:23:00.000-07:00

sometimes i like to answer my reader's questions, like sue on sex talk, which is my favorite show. it is on oxygen. i'm kinda pissed she refused to answer my question about anal sex in the shower without condom but whatever, fuck it. this is why i am here, for you, the reader. anyway, this question comes from "ken noisewater m.d." who is in "arlington, va":

Having a girl over to watch a movie. Are we too old for this to do on a 1st/2nd date? This was my go-to move in high school and college, not so sure about it now.

good question. rent Tombstone, have her over and let her show her mettle. If she can’t handle it, or if she wants to make out during the gunfight at the ok corral, send her home in a cab.

but this is total 3rd or 4th date material.

also, i particularly like heckling people standing outside of bars after last call, when a girl and guy are doing that “we want to make out but probably too soon to do it”. perfect time to yell “ASK HER TO WATCH BRAVEHEART.”

best place for sunday brunch??

2007-08-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Let’s get real here. ANY restaurant with the word “pancake” in its title, is likely pretty damn tasty.

fyi

2007-08-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

some of you have been asking me why i haven't been covering the preseason on my internets weblog.

lol preseason is for homosexuals.

choo choo rockets! choo choo rockets! choo choo rockets!

2007-08-13T14:22:00.001-07:00

someone in this room...IS A MURDERER!!!

2007-08-10T07:49:00.001-07:00

lol why the hell are these cats so shocked. fuck 'em!!!

THIS IS WHAT THE INSIDE OF MY MIND LOOKS LIKE

2007-08-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

UPDATE virgin music festival

2007-08-06T12:04:00.001-07:00

I've been asked about some of the other bands that played. Here is an update:

TV on the Radio - We left after the B-Boys, as they were playing, sorta heard them on the way out.
Sasha & Digweed - I didn't come within 50 yards of the "Dance Tent" the entire time. Even though Girltalk might have been interesting.
Interpol - I didn't move between Wu Tang (they started right as Wu Tang ended on the other stage) and Velvet Revolver. I figure if I really get a bonar for these guys they play 930 almost every year. I'd kinda rather just listen to old Gang of 4 and Wire records.
Matisyahu - He ended right before we got there. I really had no desire to check out an ex-Phish head who's gone hasidic do a neo-Snow routine about the Torah.
MIA - Isn't she like the female version of the soundtrack to Da Ali G show?
The Police - like I said previously, I understand the importance, I just don't give a shit.

virgin music festival

2007-08-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Sat'dee:

Drove to Lexington Market to get on the Metro. Parked in the Hippodrome's parking garage. Baltimore's Metro is filthy compared to DC's. Also all the passcard vending machines were busted so the Metro was free. Took that to the Rogers station and got off and took a bus for a few blocks to Pimlico.

Got there in probably the middle of the Fratelli's set, and scoped them for a while. Was alright. The bass player switched basses between every song, which is such a guitar player thing to do. Maybe the heat & humidity kept throwing them out of tune or something.

After the Fratellis we met up with Brit's coworker+girlfriend+roommate and walked towards the main stage where Amy Winehouse was doing that one Lauren Hill song that's all "That thing, That thing That thi-i-i-ing". We stood around there for a while, then Brit went to hit the can and evidently got distracted by Paolo Nutini on the second stage so it took her like a half hour to get back to us. Then Brit & me and +roommate went to go check out the rest of Paolo Nutini's set, all the while figuring that Paulo Nutini was Pete Bjorn & John.

I guess right as we got there Cheap Trick was coming off the main stage, but we didn't know, for some reason in my mind CT was on the second stage later, so I kept waiting for CT (that was our excuse for leaving the other folks to watch Incubus on their own), but we missed them. Oh well.

Then we ran into Brit's pothead ex-friend Lindsay, and we watched Pete Bjorn & John. They were pretty interesting.

Then we parted ways with Lindsay and went to get some food and hit the can. We hung out inside the Pimlico building for a while as we missed Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals on the main stage. When we got back to our feet we went back to the second stage to catch a little bit of LCD Sound System but I wasn't feeling it so we headed to the main stage.

Then, after a while the Beastie Boys came on and did their thing, and it was pretty awesome, even though by then the sun-baked/stoned/drunk crowd wasn't gonna go off too much. Their way-old punk stuff with Mike D on the mike didn't translate quite as well as it could have, I think Adrock is their better punk singer. They did a good mix from all eras.

Then we left.

Sundee:

Drove to the Metro Stop next to Pimlico which took way less time.

Got there as Explosions In The Sky were setting up, listened to them for a while, was cool. Then we headed over to the main stage for Panic! At The Disco which Brit though she wanted to see but was wrong. When they came on she said "Wait, this is that band? They suck ass." So we headed back to the second stage and waited for the Bad Brains to come on. Brit went somewhere, but then came back before the Bad Brains hit the stage. They came on and they place exploded. I slammed with the crowd for a few tunes and have a bruise or 2. HR more stands and sings than goes off and screams these days, but the rest of the band was totally on point. They did a little more of their 90s-era chunka-chunka metal bullshit than I cared for, but they did enough ROIR era stuff to make up for it. HR stood around strumming one of theose Ibanez Artcore hollowbody jazz guitars for half the set which was weird. He also threw a big round loaf of bread into the crowd which confused everyone.

After them we waited for fucking ever and then Wu Tang Clan showed up and rocked the house. They got the crowd going more than any other act that I saw. A lot of audience participation. They did a lot of 36 Chambers stuff, and Method Man was definitely the frontman. They also did a singalong of "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" in honor of ODB. I was sorta surprised when they did "Da Rockwilder" from the Redman Methodman Blackout album, seeing that Redman wasn't there. Cappadonna was there though, to put his verse into "Triumph".

I was pretty drained after Wu Tang.

Then Velvet Revolver came on and I guess a lot of people care about that band enough to know all the words to a lot of songs, where I really only care about it because it has 2 of the dudes that played on Appetite. They rocked pretty good, and I got to see Slash, who basically was the reason I ever picked up a guitar. They did a lot of their songs which I don't know, then they did "Sex Type Thing" which I though was way improved over STP's version, and then some more of their own tunes and then "It's So Easy" from Appetite. We stayed around for a few more tunes before I realized that they weren't going to cut the bullshit and just play every tune from Appetite front to back so we mosied over towards the main stage where the Smashing Pumpkins Lightshow Extravaganza was starting up.

It was pretty obvious that the effort to get less than a quarter mile from the stage was going to be tremendous, so we hung back for a few minutes then decided to beat the traffic out of there. I will say this: According to my eyes and the big projector screen, either Billy Corgan got James Iha and D'Arcy back or he got some other Asian dude to play rhythm and some other skinny blond chick to play bass.

So, all in all it was pretty fun. I liken the mainstream festival concert crowd more to a sports event crowd than an actual real club show crowd. Only with more pot. Jesus was there a lot of fucking pot there. Everybody there but us was smoking pot. Being in the television industry for this past most-of-a-decade really made me forget that there are people out there who still do that. I kinda feel like it stopped being in production around 99.

That's about it.

THE SNOTTER

2007-08-03T14:16:00.001-07:00

BEHOLD THE JEW DOG

2007-08-03T13:02:00.001-07:00

to the intern still in my bed...

2007-08-03T11:01:00.002-07:00

Thank you for a lovely evening of making the beast of two backs. I know that my presence was a bit much for you to handle, but I am, in fact, quite a big deal, so I understand that it was difficult to control your lustful urges.

The GOP has allowed me to vault from being the son of a West Virginia coal miner to quite a scenester and ass magnet.

I saw the look in your eyes as you watched your face contort with pleasure in the mirror over my bed–the one that you are no doubt viewing yourself in right now, saying, “wow, I am so lucky to have experienced that at such a tender age”–don’t fret my pet, I will not call you and if I see you again I will ignore you like the bums outside a metro stop.

I am off to my next conquest–I am thinking of a certain lass from the GA delegation.

Happy Fall Friday!

fuck my job

2007-08-03T06:58:00.001-07:00

Because I have been labeled hilarious, my bosses want me to come up with some cutesy lines for the mail order inserts. Here is what I have:

"Private studies have disproved the link between ear cancer and purchasing music. So go ahead, live it up!" - A scientist, wearing a lab coat

"One time I was in a car wreck, nothing bad--but my CDs were ruined! I'm glad I bought several copies of everything from YepRoc as backups." - Person with common sense

"It makes my whole day great when I know my order will be there when I get home." - Person whose optimism and enthusiasm will lead to job promotions, attracting attractive lovers, and gravitating circles of admirers at parties

"A day in prison goes by so much faster when you get mail and when you can listen to music. YepRoc does both" - Person who made some mistakes in the past, but is determined to do things right from now on

my kinda ladies!

2007-08-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

happy fall friday

2007-07-27T11:27:00.001-07:00

not really into this this week guys. having a bad day. ;_;

;_;

2007-07-26T08:42:00.001-07:00

this is for brit brit. she knows what she did ;_;

JESUS CHRIST! JESUS CHRIST! JESUS CHRIST!

2007-07-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

i have a new favorite contact on flickrs

lol i am not the chinese businesss exceutive

2007-07-25T11:15:00.001-07:00

i'd like to go to india. live in a big white house in the forest, drink gin and tonic and play a grand piano...

2007-07-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

it appears we have some referrals of keyeword searches from ppl looking for informations on MANDARAVA THE GURU-DIETY! india is pretty close to china so here is china series part 3, MANDARAVA THE GURU-DIETY.

Mandarava is one of the two principal spiritual consorts of Padmasambhava and is considered a female guru-deity. Mandarava, born a princess in India, renounced her royal birthright, to practice the Dharma, and became a fully realised spiritual adept and great teacher.

Mandarava (Tib. man da ra ba), whose full name is Mandarava Flower (Tib. man da ra ba me tog) referring to Erythrina Indica, the coral tree, one of the five fabled trees that grow in paradise (or Sukhavati), was a princess of Zahor (or Mandi) in the 8th Century CE. Mandarava was also known as the White Princess (Tib. lha lcam dkar mo) though the blooms of the coral tree are a brilliant scarlet. Mandarava is also the name of one of the Gandharvis, therefore, the name may also be considered that of an Indian devi.

Mandarava was born of Vihardhara, King of Zahor and Queen Mohauki. Her birth was said to be accompanied by miraculous signs and her renunciation and spiritual inclination was marked from a young age. Due to her fabled beauty, many kings from India and China were said to number amongst her marriage suitors. Mandarava wishing to pursue her spiritual calling endeavoured to release herself from regal trappings wherein she was intercepted by her father and incarcerated. There is a venerated petrosomatoglyph of Mandarava’s footprints located near the dungeon where she was restrained.

Mandarava and Padmasambhava were energetically drawn to one another. Vihardhara, fearful of the contamination of the royal bloodline and what he perceived as Mandarava’s apostasy, endeavoured to have Mandarava and Padmasambhava purified by immolation through the flames of a pyre. Instead of finding their corpses incensed and charred, Vihardhara finds that the fire of the pyre has been transformed into a lake out of which arises a blooming lotus that supports the unharmed Mandarava and Padmasambhava who through this manifestation of their realisation have achieved their secret names of Vajravarahi and Hayagriva, respectively. Afterwhich, Vihardhara furnishes the union with his unreserved blessings.

Mandarava realises her calling to spread the Dharma with Padmasambhava, thereby fulfilling the prediction of her birth that she was a dakini. At 16 years of age, Mandarava became the first of Padmasambhava’s five historical spiritual and sexual consorts in Maratika (known as Haleshi in the local dialect), the Cave of Bringing Death to an End. (Maratika Cave, and later Maratika Monastery, is located in Khotang District of Nepal, circa 185 kilometres south west of Mount Everest.) Both Mandarava and Padmasambhava achieved the unified vajra body on the vidyadhara level of mastery and realised some of the practices of long life or longevity that were concealed in the Maratika Cave as terma by Dakini Sangwa, the terma constituted the teachings of Buddha Amitabha and they were elementally encoded as terma at the behest of Bodhisattva Avalokiteśvara. Whilst Padmasambhava continued spreading teachings throughout the Himalaya, Mandarava remained in India.

Mandarava is said to have manifested her sambhogakaya form at the great Dharma Wheel of Tramdruk where she engaged in a dialogue of mantra and mudra with Padmasambhava. Extensive details of this are rendered in the Padma Kathang.

As Mandarava attained the vajra rainbow body (jalus), she is held to be present in the world now spreading and inspiring the Dharma.

Mandarava is considered a wisdom, knowledge or awareness dakini among whose different names and manifestations are: the yogini Mirukyi Gyenchen “Adorned with Human Bone Ornaments” at the time of Marpa; Risulkyi Naljorma during the time of Nyen Lotsawa; and Drubpey Gyalmo during the time of Rechungpa. Chushingi Nyemachen, the spiritual consort Maitripa, is considered to be none other than Mandarava. The dakini Niguma is also considered to be Mandarava.

Through practice and diligence, Mandarava realised a degree of spiritual mastery equal to that of Padmasambhava her consort, evidenced in her honorific Machig Drupa Gyalmo (ma gcig grub pa'i rgyal mo), “Singular Queen Mother of Attainment”.

Mandarava was famed for her compassionate and loving nature and she saved the youthful Kalasiddhi from an untimely death, raising her to adulthood. Kalasiddhi later became another of Padmasambhava’s consorts.

Jamgon Kongtrul relates the story of Mandarava within “In The Precious Garland of Lapis Lazuli”. Another story of Mandarava is found in the 14th century Padma Thang Yig Sheldrang Ma terma of Orgyen Lingpa. There is a beautiful description of the inaugural meeting of Yeshe Tsogyal with Mandarava Flower in "Sky Dancer, the secret life and songs of the Lady Yeshe Tsogyel". Samten Lingpa (also known as Tagsham Nu Den Dorje), a terton from the second half of the 17th century, consecrated six folios to Mandarava and Padmasambhava and their pastimes in Maratika Cave.

The iconography of Mandarava in her sambhogakaya form is often of her sporting white skin with a tinge of red, wearing regal bodhisattva ornamentation. In her right hand she often holds the dadar (or arrow) a teaching tool and ritual implement and a powerful polyvalent symbol of Dzogchen, disciplic succession, lineage and transmission, amongst others. Mandarava is often adorned with banners and a melong (or mirror) which is another ritual implement, teaching tool and polyvalent symbol of Dzogchen representing the clear, reflective and void (or empty and etherial) nature of mind. Mandarava’s left hand often holds a bumpa or long-life vase or wisdom urn of the ashtamangala. Mandarava is sometimes depicted standing in an energetic dance which denotes her enlightened activity and dakini nature. When depicted with Padmasambhava, Mandarava is iconographically represented to his left.

The terton, Chögyal Namkhai Norbu, has realized and transmitted terma as well as oral instructions specifying thangka depictions and iconography of Mandarava.

WELCOME TO WACKY WALL CRAWLER WEDNESDAY!!!

2007-07-25T10:32:00.001-07:00

i have a feeling this theme day will not last very long but thanks for the suggestions, keep them coming!

so, how does one turn back time?

2007-07-25T10:31:00.001-07:00

Just watched some clips from the YouTube debate. I never saw such a bunch of fucking morons ask such fucking stupid questions. How do I get my life back after hearing some douche introduce the debate, someone who is probably Anderson’s butt pal, and watch some other asshole make our country look like am embarrassment. It should come to no surprise that we are all fucked.

HALP

2007-07-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

this is teh defendent!

his children ;_;

crime scene

YAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

looks like every dog...
:|
B|
gets its day
YAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

neighbors say, "i never knew...he seemed like a nice family man, you'd never know what was going on. i feel so guilty that i didn't recognize the warning signs."

people i hate #734

2007-07-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

these three fuckin guys

i don't know ho they are. i don't care! just fuckin look at them! douches! the best thing about china is that they'd shoot these guys for bieng wastes of genetics!! have fun giving yrself b lowjogs you douchtards!!! lolololol

china exposed episode 2: my favorite chinaman

2007-07-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

this is mr. pingping:

he is the world's smallest man.

look at his face. mr. pingping will fuck you up. yao ming up there does not stand a chance against mr. pingping.

dwarfism is a medical or genetic condition that usually results in an adult height of 4'10" (147 cm) or shorter, among both men and women, although in some cases a person with a dwarfing condition may be slightly taller than that. despite these limitations, do not feel sorry. he gets a lot of tail on account of his sharp dressing skills. little known fact: his tongue is normal sized -_O

(editor note: my favoritist chinaman, my personal photographer, was disqualified on account of being a halfsie, and also on account of not being named "mr. pingping")

just cos we has a special NEWS FEATURE doesn't mean we forget our obligations and duties to the united states public.

2007-07-20T13:29:00.000-07:00

happy FALL FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

thx <3 <3 <3
teh schefs!!!!

ps there are five days in a working week bros!! u has suggestions for other ARTIST THEME DAYS put them in the suggestions box!! i am game for the world.

BREAKING! BREAKING! BREAKING!

2007-07-20T08:33:00.001-07:00

WE INTERRUPT OUR COVERAGE OF THE PEOPLE'S REBPULIC OF CHINA TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT NEWS

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE ME AND RICH WERE AT NORTHWESTERN AND HE WAS ALWAYS TRASHING MY GENESIS BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAVE FUCKING ZELDA. WHO WILL WIN. SONIC IS V V FAST BUT MARIO IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO SWIM/FLY/RIDE AROUND ON EGG-SUCKING DINOSAURS. ALSO SONIC ONLY HAS TAILS BUT MARIO HAS A POSSE. OF COURSE I WILL BE PLAYING AS SONIC BECAUSE I IDENTIFY WITH HIS SITUATION IN THAT LAST SETENCE ;_;

GUYS SO PSYCHED SO PSYCHED GET IN ON THIS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

THIS JUST IN: MAX AND GRADY WIN THE SASSY POLL

2007-07-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

CONGRATS, GUYS!

see u at the super bowl!!!

banned in the prc!!!!!!!! baaaannned in the prc!!!!!

2007-07-19T10:10:00.001-07:00

i has found out from operative and sassy boy JON that schefterblogz is banned in the people's republic of china. i am very dispapoiinted with this decision by kim jong il because schefterblogz has important information for everyone, even chinese ppl. i am going to start a special series today on china, because like tron i fight for the users.

thx,
schefs <3

my first bit of helpings is to point all my readers to how to buy chinese garlic. This is my favorite site for this procurement. it is good and also pretty.

our band got a gig :D :D :D

2007-07-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

HE WHO TASTES ONE KNOWS WHAT IS A REAL SASSIEST BOY IN AMERICA!!!1

2007-07-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

wau wau wau

2007-07-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

there is this raging fight going on outside my house right now between basically the entirety of some party that was in an apt next door. mariucci reports that they seemed to be having a fun time earlier but shit has gone south. when i went by, this guy was outside near a car with a girl kissing her, then suddenly this other girl shows up and snaps a picture of them. i'm like, ok, goofing off, whatev, and then the dude just goes BATSHIT INSANE on the girl with the camera and they all start screaming at each other and the kissing girl starts crying. at one point the camera girl actually said, "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU GUYS ARE LOVERS" and the dude replies "OH GOD OH GOD DON'T EVEN SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. YOU'RE A LADY. DON'T USE WORDS LIKE THAT. WHY CAN'T YOU BE A LADY SOMETIMES?" wtf wtf! now it seems the whole party is involved and it's just devolved into people screaming fuck you and crying and throwing shit and smoking.

the ministry of what the hell was i drinkin last night lol!!!1

2007-07-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

So I had a dream last night that I think Rich would approve of:
I dreamed that Radiohead drank cyanide in grape Kool Aid on stage right before the curtains opened to reveal them in a dead heap, and they became known as the first ever rock group to kill themselves as a group
Which set off copycat suicides all over the country, it became trendy to gulp cyanide and then try to barf it up as fast as you could to see if you would live. The antidote was chugging olive oil. I did it. Michael Vick was not impressed.