shit that is not ok, an ongoing series

Girls pretending to like football so guys think they're cool

this has become a horrible trend. i’ve noticed that when i’m out or when a girl meets me she asks what my “team” is…. we then start to talk about football and she tricks me into thinking that she actually likes it.

the nfl has even started making women’s size jersey’s etc… for this. it’s not that i’m opposed to women liking football, i just wish they wouldn’t act like it was important to them to get to me.

;_; NEVAR FORGET

To live like I ain't never lived before. If y'all see me in the news, and I make the news for something that I ain't got no business making it for, don't bash me. Say it was a young guy living.

Don't Tase me, bro,

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my fans fill me with inertia

lol awes!!!

SPIRITUAL MIDWIFERY HAS GOT ME SPRUNG

I FEEL SO COSMIC BROS!

THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING

the fuck, jimmy??? lol you gotta crash better family vacays than the belichick one, bro.

MID-WEEK INTERNET UPDATE

FINALLY A NEW REASONS TO "NEVER FORGET" 9/11!

it is the day that i discovered my new favorite painter and author, james de blas!. behold the christ eagle:

The Legend Of Humopia, my most recent story and
deals with a planets' struggle with the forces of Love
and Fear. Humopian's are a race of blue beings living
on Humopia, the Pearl Planet. This story remains a
mystery until I am ready to unveil it.

i am excited for the unveiling of this new story!!!! never forget!

speedy deliveries!!

reader "ross" inquired of us the following inquiries:

you seem like the man who would know: I have tried to care about the Vikings for years but ever since Chris Carter left it just seems pointless. And I don't live there anymore. Which team should I now love and where in NY can I go to drink and watch them lose? Oh I should say that as a Minnesotan I expect whatever team I support to be promising but ultimately fail horribly.

thxs u for your faith in my recommendations, and also thxs u for readershiop! i would recommend this team:



the problem is, this is not actually a real team. since you are in ny, the easiest bet for you is to root for either the giants or the jets. the jets are a bunch of fairies who haven't been worth even spitting on since the day namath retired, so that leaves you with the giants. being a giants fan will be fulfilling in the way mentioned: the season will be promising, but ultimately you will go home bewildered and upset by how much this team obviously hates you and all of the other fans, and is just trying to spite you. eli's receivers have apparently stopped being little girl bitches who'd rather play with their my little ponies than play football this year, which of course means that the defense will piss themselves in fear when confronted with tony romo.

(fyi tony "badass awesome terrifying voltron of quarterbacking" romo: )

in terms of bars, most of them are terrible. if the closest one to your house has a couple of tvs, i'd just recommend that one. my last apartments in nyc were up on the upper west side and all the way up by columbia--so, i just went to whatever was nearest to me up there, if i was in town that weekend. any place that is a shitty hole-in-the-wall but has a chalkboard outside saying something like "NFL TICKET! 25c WINGS!" is going to be a good choice, also. you probably want to actually avoid bars that are specifically sports bars (ie most "irish" "pubs"), at least in nyc, unless you like being around mouth-breathing jets fans for hours.

sincerely,
the schef

it's my fuckin jam, bitch!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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LABOR DAY WAS RAD!!!!!

VOTERS: SCHEF MOST FUKKABLE

Having this honor the same year as being recognized as the world's most important human by Time Magazine is just truly unbelievable. I mean I dreamed it all a million times, but having reality come true is an indescribable sensation kind of like fucking a puma and a jaguar at the same time but even that doesn't capture the breathlessness of my super-scenario.

Thank you I love you all, my fans. :)

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