from the reader mailbag :D

sometimes i like to answer my reader's questions, like sue on sex talk, which is my favorite show. it is on oxygen. i'm kinda pissed she refused to answer my question about anal sex in the shower without condom but whatever, fuck it. this is why i am here, for you, the reader. anyway, this question comes from "ken noisewater m.d." who is in "arlington, va":

Having a girl over to watch a movie. Are we too old for this to do on a 1st/2nd date? This was my go-to move in high school and college, not so sure about it now.

good question. rent Tombstone, have her over and let her show her mettle. If she can’t handle it, or if she wants to make out during the gunfight at the ok corral, send her home in a cab.

but this is total 3rd or 4th date material.

also, i particularly like heckling people standing outside of bars after last call, when a girl and guy are doing that “we want to make out but probably too soon to do it”. perfect time to yell “ASK HER TO WATCH BRAVEHEART.”

to the intern still in my bed...

Thank you for a lovely evening of making the beast of two backs. I know that my presence was a bit much for you to handle, but I am, in fact, quite a big deal, so I understand that it was difficult to control your lustful urges.

The GOP has allowed me to vault from being the son of a West Virginia coal miner to quite a scenester and ass magnet.

I saw the look in your eyes as you watched your face contort with pleasure in the mirror over my bed–the one that you are no doubt viewing yourself in right now, saying, “wow, I am so lucky to have experienced that at such a tender age”–don’t fret my pet, I will not call you and if I see you again I will ignore you like the bums outside a metro stop.

I am off to my next conquest–I am thinking of a certain lass from the GA delegation.

Happy Fall Friday!