to the intern still in my bed...

Thank you for a lovely evening of making the beast of two backs. I know that my presence was a bit much for you to handle, but I am, in fact, quite a big deal, so I understand that it was difficult to control your lustful urges.

The GOP has allowed me to vault from being the son of a West Virginia coal miner to quite a scenester and ass magnet.

I saw the look in your eyes as you watched your face contort with pleasure in the mirror over my bed–the one that you are no doubt viewing yourself in right now, saying, “wow, I am so lucky to have experienced that at such a tender age”–don’t fret my pet, I will not call you and if I see you again I will ignore you like the bums outside a metro stop.

I am off to my next conquest–I am thinking of a certain lass from the GA delegation.

Happy Fall Friday!

i've made love to hookers that i didn't love. it’s just a matter of going slower and whispering a lot of bullshit.

I am not anti-Southern girl. I am anti-”have Buckwheat in a leg-lock” girl.

I love the south and really enjoy southern girls company. However when it comes to the bedroom they are woefully lacking and I am calling attention to it.


The worst line I ever heard was from a girl from GA. After saying she wasn’t going home with me (we went to her house) and that she wasn’t sleeping with me (as we walked to her room) and that she wasn’t getting naked with me (as she completely undressed and got in bed with me) the best line was the finale which follows:

Her: What time is it?

Me: Like 3am

Her: I have to wake up tomorrow

Me: Ok

Her: So you have 20 mins.

Me: 20 mins?

Her: To make the magic happen. (As she straddles me)

Needless to say she got her magic show, but I also saw what looked like the Congo between her legs. After a klassy line like that and the lack of wo-manscaping down below she has been put in my “do not touch” book.